Episode 4 - Gutbuster

Megaton Girl Episode 4 - Gutbuster 
Created, Written and Directed by Austin Lee Matthews 
Produced by Mark Allen Jr. and Austin Lee Matthews 

Featuring 
Amanda Kay as Connie
Michelle Deco as Laurel
Tiana Camacho as Nora
Jason Marnocha as Kirby
Alex Weitzman as Moishe
PM Seymour as Chuck
Christopher Smith as Julian
Additional voices by Alex Weitzman and Austin Lee Matthews

Music and Sound Mixing by Austin Lee Matthews
Character designs: Austin Lee Matthews, Ama Schwindenhammer, Jeremy MacKrell
Talksprites by Jeremy MacKrell
Backgrounds by Ama Schwindenhammer
Cover Art by Austin Lee Matthews

Megaton Girl is copyright Austin Lee Matthews 2021

Extra special thanks to the heroes over on Patreon:

BigMountainCat, Christopher Craft, HylianDerp, Jackie O'Bryan, Jazzy Oliver, Kyle Edmond, Liam Ware, LookWhosFhtagn, Matthew Byas, Maybe_A_Cat, Nikki S., PocketSquatch, Ray Coffman, Saiou, Seriously Funny, Steven Anderson, Warzy Raptor

Thank you to everyone who has shared Megaton Girl with this friends and followers. We can’t grow without your help, and we are so grateful

Visit MegatonGirl.com for more episodes

Transcript

[RECAP 1 minute 17 seconds long]

Scene 1

CONNIE

(YAWNS)

I am wiped the fuck out.

LAUREL

Same. You kicked some serious butt this week, hon.

CONNIE

(STRETCHES)

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee.

(WHEW)

We kicked a whole variety pack off ass. I wouldn’t know

which cheek to aim for if you weren’t there.

LAUREL

I’m really glad to really be part of the team, now. And

getting to see you fight from your point of view is so

exhilarating. Every time you leap into battle, I get

more and more excited! You’re so cool!

CONNIE

(LAUGHING)

Oh my god, you’re fangirling over your own girlfriend??

LAUREL

(LAUGHING)

I mean can you blame me?

CONNIE

Well, I’m your number one fan, too, Miss Monarch. Your

big brain and quick thinking have saved me more times

than I can count this month.

LAUREL

(FLUSTERED CHUCKLING)

Connie, please-

CONNIE

Nope, you opened the floodgates! We’ve kicked Doctor

Menace’s ass 10 times, broke Gentleman Steelface’s

glass jaw, dunked on Army Dillo, and don’t even get me

started on that lady who kept pulling guns and rocket

launchers out of her tits

LAUREL

War Chest?

CONNIE

The point being- Ahem. . .

Oh my god, Monarch?! I am your biggest fan! Sign

my face! What’s it like in the chair?! 

LAUREL

(FLUSTERED LAUGHING)

Okay, I get it!

(CATCHING BREATH)

Just kiss me so we can go to sleep, you dork.

CONNIE

(CHUCKLES)

Don’t have to tell me twice.

CONNIE & LAUREL

(KISSING)

CONNIE

Oh my goooood, I’m making out with Monarch.

LAUREL

(PFFFT)

Dork!

CONNIE

(LAUGHING)

LAUREL

I love you, hon.

CONNIE

Fuckin’ love you, too.

SOUND: THEY PULL THE COVERS OVER THEMSELVES

CONNIE

Goodnight, babe.

LAUREL

(YAWNS)

Goodniight.

SOUND: LIGHT TURNS OFF

Scene 2

CONNIE

(SNORING)

SOUND: NORA KNOCKS ON THE GLASS

CONNIE

(STIRS IN HER SLEEP)

Who the fuck?!

NORA

Megaton Girl, I presume.

CONNIE

And what if I am?!

LAUREL

Huh...? What’s going on?

CONNIE

Laurel get out of bed and run!

NORA

Oh calm down, I’m not here to kill you.

CONNIE

Yeah that’s what you want us to think!

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

Calm down, kid.

CONNIE

Kirby?

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

She’s not here to hurt you.

CONNIE

Who is she?

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

She’s uh... Ahem. She’s uh-

LAUREL

Madame Dromeda?!

NORA

(SIGH)

Yes. That is what I used to go by.

LAUREL

I knew it!

CONNIE

Wait. Like the first woman to ever be a superhero? That

Madame Dromeda?

NORA

Please, ugh. Call me Nora. Can we not do this? We’ve

got a lot of work to do.

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

Yeah, about that. I’m starting to have... second

thoughts.

NORA

Oh shut up, William. You asked me to come, and I’m

here. Deal with it. You. Get out of bed and get

dressed. You’ve got five minutes.

CONNIE

You still haven’t explained anything. What’s going on?

NORA

William asked me to help you control your energy weapon.

CONNIE

You mean my Gutbuster?

NORA

Gut- the- wh- William, explain.

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

It’s uh... What she calls the laser she can fire out of

her mouth.

NORA

(SIGH)

Oh gods. Ugh. Yes. Fine. Now get your ass out here.

You’ve got four minutes now.

SOUND: NORA FLIES AWAY

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

Sorry.

CONNIE

What’s with her?

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

She and I have some uh... History. Try not to take it

personally.

LAUREL

She’s a bit... Harsh. Are you sure that she’s the only

one who can train Connie to use her Gutbuster?

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

Sadly yes, which means you’re gonna have to put up

with her. Just try to be patient.

CONNIE

I’m sure she’s just cranky because it’s really early in

the morning. Seriously, how bad could she be?

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

She’s my ex-wife.

CONNIE & LAUREL

Ohhhhhhhhhhh. . .

CONNIE

...WAIT YOU MARRIED AN ALIEN?!

Scene 3

SOUND: NORA AND CONNIE FLYING

CONNIE

Sooo uh... Where are we headed? ...Nowhere in

particular? ...That’s cool. Cool cool cool cool.

...Soooooo where you from? ...I’m originally from uh...

Oregon... USA... Earth... Do you style your tendrils

yourself or... 

NORA

Please! Do you always talk this much?!

CONNIE

Sorry, sorry sorry! I get anxious in total silence.

NORA

Well I get annoyed when I’m bombarded with nonsensical

chitchat. Besides, we’re almost there anyway.

CONNIE

Awesome! ...Where is... there? And why is there so

fucking cold???

NORA

My old secret hideout in the south pole.

CONNIE

The south f-f-f-f-fucking pole?? Could you have at

least warned me so I could have not frozen my

f-f-f-fucking tits off??

NORA

We’re going be working so hard you won’t even feel a

chill. Get over it.

CONNIE

Also hey uh, there’s something you should know about

the south pole.

NORA

What could you possibly tell me that I don’t

already-...

That is... Far less ice than I remember.

CONNIE

Yeah about that...

NORA

Have you still not solved global warming??

CONNIE

Hey don’t blame me! My girlfriend and I walk

everywhere. Blame like... I don’t know, like 5 super

rich dudes!

NORA

Unbelievable. I suppose this means that my secret

hideout will be far less of a secret now. Let’s pick up

the pace, and make sure it isn’t a fucking museum by

Now.

SOUND: NORA AND CONNIE ROCKET OFF

Scene 4

SOUND: WELDING TORCH

EXPLORER 1

How many layers of ice can one giant door have?

EXPLORER 2

You asked that 20 layers ago...

EXPLORER 1

That’s what I’m saying!!

EXPLORER 2

Well there’s probably way more where that came from.

SOUND: CONNIE AND NORA LAND

NORA

Allow me.

EXPLORER 1 AND EXPLORER 2

Huh?

SOUND: NORA CHARGES UP AND FIRES A BLAST OF ENERGY AT THE

DOOR

NORA

(WINDS AND AND THROWS A BOLT OF ENERGY)

EXPLORER 1 AND EXPLORER 2

(YELP IN FEAR)

(DUCK OUT OF THE WAY)

SOUND: ENERGY BLAST HITS THE DOOR

SOUND: STEAM

EXPLORER 1 AND EXPLORER 2

(NERVOUS STAMMERING)

NORA

Leave.

EXPLORER 1 AND EXPLORER 2

(STAND UP AND RUN AWAY)

SOUND: EXPLORERS RUN OFF

SOUND: NORA WALKS OVER TO THE DOOR

CONNIE

Holy shit that was fucking badass.

NORA

It wouldn’t be as impressive if you could control your

energy.

CONNIE

Well, yeah, but that’s why you’re here, right?

NORA

Indeed.

SOUND: NORA PUNCHES SOME BUTTONS ON A CONTROL PANEL

NORA

And that’s why you are here.

SOUND: LARGE METAL DOOR SLOWLY SLIDES OPEN

SOUND: NORA WALKS IN

NORA

You coming?

CONNIE

Y-yeah!

SOUND: CONNIE RUNS IN

Scene 5

SOUND: NORA WALKS IN

SOUND: CONNIE WALKS IN

CONNIE

Holy crap it warmed up in here real quick.

NORA

Uh-huh.

CONNIE

So what are we gonna do? Train at 100 times Earth

Gravity? Hyberbolic Time Chamber? Room of Spirit and

Time?!

NORA

(SIGH)

Before we do anything, I need to know a few things

about the Megalotite energy inside you. Did Kirby

determine the location of your energy cauldron?

CONNIE

My what?

NORA

Your energy cauldron? The organ from which the

Megalotite in your system flows, builds and is expelled

From?

CONNIE

Oh that! He did, but he never gave it a name. He said

it was somewhere in my belly? Good luck finding it,

I’ve got a lot of belly.

NORA

I see, you’ve got an abdominal cauldron. Less common,

more difficult to work with.

CONNIE

So I’ve already got a handicap that Chuck doesn’t have.

Great. Fucking great...

NORA

Let me finish. Less common, more difficult to work

with, but ultimately the form of cauldron with the most

potential. You’ve got a slower start, but you’ve access

to a well of power that even I don’t have.

CONNIE

Wait really?!

NORA

Yes, but that means you are going to have to work ten

times as hard to bring that potential out.

CONNIE

I’ll do it. Whatever it takes!

NORA

Hm. I can see why William thinks so highly of you.

Fine. Come with me.

SOUND: NORA WALKS AWAY

SOUND: CONNIE FOLLOWS

Scene 6

SOUND: LAUREL ENTERS

MOISHE

Laurel! Good to see you, dear.

LAUREL

Hi Moishe! I brought my laptop to get some work done

while I eat. I hope that’s okay.

MOISHE

Of course, of course! Where’s Connie? I can’t imagine

she’s not hungry.

LAUREL

Oh, yeah she’s training with Mada- er. Nora.

MOISHE

Nora? She’s in town?

LAUREL

Well, she’s on-world at least. Connie said something

about the South Pole?

MOISHE

Yeah, that tracks. I hope she stops by. I’d like to say

hello again. She kinda left Earth without so much as a

goodbye. Not that I’d blame her.

LAUREL

Was the divorce that bad?

MOISHE

Oh, she left far too fast for a divorce. On paper,

she’s still Nora’vanth Kirby.

LAUREL

What even happened?

MOISHE

Well... It’s complicated. And it’s not exactly my place

to speak for Kirby or Nora about this.

LAUREL

I understand. I’ll try to talk to Kirby about it.

MOISHE

If you’re gonna do that, you’re gonna need an ice

breaker. How about, on your way out, I give you some

Matzo Ball soup to go for him? He can never say no to

that.

LAUREL

I think that’s a great idea. Thanks, Moishe.

MOISHE

Of course, dear. I’ll throw in a bowl for Connie, too.

She’s gonna be hungry when she’s done!

Scene 7

NORA

I want you to try to use your energy attack on this

training dummy.

CONNIE

Right! ...How?

NORA

You’ve done it before. Do it the same way.

CONNIE

I mean I’ve done it on accident before. I don’t know

how, though.

NORA

Draw your energy to your cauldron. And

Release.

CONNIE

Okay, easy enough!

(DEEP BREATH)

(BURP)

Oh, sorry. Uh. Mulligan.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(DEEP BREATH)

(GUTBUSTER YELL)

Fuck. I can do it! I know I can!

NORA

Then do it.

CONNIE

I’m trying.

NORA

Stop trying! Do it!

CONNIE

You’re supposed to be teaching me! Show me how you do

it!

NORA

Fine.

SOUND: NORA CHARGES A SMALL LASER

SOUND: LASER BLAST

SOUND: BLAST HITS CONNIE

CONNIE

(OUCH)

SOUND: CONNIE HITS THE GROUND AND TUMBLES

CONNIE

I didn’t mean on me!

NORA

I showed you how I did it. It’s not the same way you

have to do it. I draw my power outward through my

hands. You, on the other hand, have draw your power

inward and then out.

CONNIE

(STANDS UP)

I don’t know how to manipulate the energy though!

That’s the problem!

NORA

When has your power worked?

CONNIE

Let’s see... The first time was right after I got my

powers. I was really dizzy and I felt like I was gonna

barf. And then I did, but it was a laser, not-

NORA

Gross. And that must have just been the initial release

of energy after the mutation. Have you ever used it in

a fight?

CONNIE

Yeah, the second time I used it. I’d tried to use it

once during the fight and it didn’t work, but then it

did, right when I needed it to.

NORA

And why did you need it?

CONNIE

I was gonna die! And I guess my body just...

No thanks! And then… yeah.

NORA

I see. Close your eyes.

CONNIE

Uh.

NORA

Close them!

CONNIE

Fine.

NORA

Now. Tell me about that moment. What was it like? What

was going through your head?

CONNIE

Well... I was fighting Doctor Menace, and it was going

okay, but then he fired this massive laser canon at me.

It took everything I had to hold it back, but I was...

I was scared.

NORA

Afraid of dying?

CONNIE

I mean, yes. But more than that, I was scared of

letting everybody down. I was scared that Captain

Valiant was going to keep hurting people, unchallenged,

and that he was the hero everyone was going to have to

settle for. But, probably ten times more than that I

was scared because I didn’t want to lose Laurel. After

the life we shared together growing up, and finally

getting to tell each other just how much we loved each

other... Well, we waited too damn long for that only

To have me die. And so I pushed back. I told myself that

I had to live. I had to be better than that, I had to

be better than Captain Valiant. And then I took a 

breath, and it just... it just Exploded.

NORA

Hm. You are as strong as William says, then.

Interesting.

SOUND: NORA CHARGING LARGER LASER

NORA

Let’s put you back in that moment then.

CONNIE

What?

NORA

Eyes open!

CONNIE

Wh- HUH?!

NORA

(CHARGE UP AND FIRE)

CONNIE

(IMPACT, GRITTED TEETH STRUGGLE)

SOUND: LASER IMPACTS WITH CONNIE

SOUND: CONNIE HOLDS LASER

NORA

Remember the taste of failure?

CONNIE

(STRUGGLING)

S-Stop!!

NORA

Oh you want me to stop? Why don’t you make me.

CONNIE

(PAIN REALLY SETTING IN)

NORA

When you die, you will have let everyone down. You will

have left the fate of this planet in the hands of a

self-absorbed, sexist bastard, and he’ll get to keep

doing whatever he wants!

CONNIE

N-... No!!

NORA

And your girlfriend? Who knows what she’ll do without

you. Will she find somebody better? Will she spend the

rest of her life alone? I guess you’ll never know!

CONNIE

I…! SAID…!

NORA

What?!

CONNIE

STOP!!

SOUND: MASSIVE GUTBUSTER

NORA

(DODGES and HITS THE GROUND)

SOUND: LASER IMPACTS WITH WALL, COMPLETELY DESTROYING IT

CONNIE

You want more?! Come fucking get it!

NORA

Tell me what it felt like.

CONNIE

What?!

NORA

When you used your power! What were you feeling?!

CONNIE

I was pissed the hell off, because you tried to fucking

kill me!! And hey, I’m still pretty pissed the hell off!!

NORA

Oh please, if I wanted to kill you, you’d be a puddle

right now.

CONNIE

H-Huh??

NORA

Now tell me. Describe the sensation of the energy

building up in your cauldron before you expelled it.

CONNIE

I- It was a tingling, almost like I touched a bad

electrical outlet. That feeling traveled from my

fingers and toes toward my middle, and-... It felt

almost like it did when I first asked Laurel out.

Just... A Tickling, like butterflies.

NORA

And then?

CONNIE

Then I pushed forward and I just... lasered

NORA

And now you know how it feels. Which means that

tomorrow, you will be able to try again.

CONNIE

Great! Why tomorrow?

NORA

Because, your energy cauldron is like a muscle. You

have to exercise it; hone it. You can also strain and

overwork it. Which you just did.

CONNIE

I uh... Yeah I kinda gave that everything I could.

NORA

And if that’s everything you can give today, then

imagine how much more you’ll be able to give after a

year of training.

This is only a taste of the wealth of power that you’ll

have at your disposal.

CONNIE

Holy shit are you serious?

NORA

Deadass. Come back tomorrow after you’ve rested and

we’ll continue sharpening your blade.

CONNIE

Fuck yeah, we will! I’m so excited!

(LAUGHS)

Can I hug you??

NORA

Not there yet.

CONNIE

Right! Got it! Respecting boundaries!

Football. Gentlemen. Men. Doin’ it.

SOUND: TEXT TONE

CONNIE

Oop, just a sec.

(READING TEXT)

Oh snap, I gotta get home. Laurel wants to have dinner

with Kirby.

NORA

I see. Then I shall see you tomorrow.

CONNIE

Right! I’ll be here!

SOUND: CONNIE RUNS TO THE DOOR

NORA

And feel free to not say hello to William for me.

Scene 8

SOUND: LAUREL AND CONNIE ENTER

LAUREL

Okay, remember the plan.

CONNIE

Got it! I’ll follow your lead.

LAUREL

Right.

Kirby? Kirby?

KIRBY

I’m not here.

CONNIE

Come on, Kirb. We’ve got soup!

KIRBY

I don’t want soup. I wanna be left alone.

LAUREL

It’s Moishe’s famous Matzo Ball soup.

CONNIE

And there’s extra Matzo Balls, just for you!

KIRBY

...God damn it, Moishe, why’d you have to give them

Ammo…

SOUND: KIRBY ENTERS

KIRBY

What do you want?

LAUREL

We wanted to talk to you about Nora.

KIRBY

Well, I don’t want to talk about Nora.

LAUREL

This is clearly affecting you. Might feel better to

talk about it.

KIRBY

Well too bad, I’m not talking.

CONNIE

Aw gee, that’s too bad. Looks like we can go have this

yummy soup all to ourselves!

KIRBY

(SIGH)

I can’t believe I’m cracking over soup... Fine. You

win. Crack open that soup and take a seat.

SOUND: THEY UNPACK THE SOUP

CONNIE

Here ya go!

KIRBY

Yeah, yeah..

.

SOUND: KIRBY TAKES A SIP

KIRBY

Nora and I met when I was still a young man. She’d come

here from a planet called Ki’Ahn to study us. But she

found purpose here. Felt like she could do a lot of

good. And she was right. We worked together here and

there, busting some bad guys.

CONNIE

You repped her?

KIRBY

I wasn’t repping back then. I didn’t work in hero

management until a bit later in life. Nah, I was on the

front lines.

LAUREL

...Are you implying what I think you’re implying?

KIRBY

Yep. I was a hero, too.

CONNIE

What?!

LAUREL

That’s-! Wow! Wait does that mean you have superpowers,

too?

KIRBY

Nah, nothing like that. Back then you didn’t need

powers to be a viable hero. All you needed was a mask

and a mantle. And my mantle was The Crimson Phantom.

LAUREL

Wait. The Crimson Phantom?? Like the original Crimson

Phantom?

KIRBY

Heh. I should’ve figured you of all people would know

that name.

LAUREL

Of course I know that name! You co-founded the Guild of

Heroes! YOU co-founded the Guild of Heroes?!

KIRBY

Yeah, and then a decade and a half later they kicked me

out, since I don’t have any real powers. Bunch-a

bureaucratic schmucks... Anyway, we always worked

pretty close together, Nora and I. I don’t know whether

Magnanimous thought I needed protection or watching, or

if he was just playing matchmaker. Whatever the reason,

the time we spent together let us get really close.

After we finally started dating, we got hitched pretty

quick. We wanted kids, but... well... Would have been a

bad idea, considering our line of work. It was a tough

decision to make, but it was for the best. We had each

other. That was enough for us.

CONNIE

So... What went wrong?

KIRBY

(DEEP BREATH)

There was a battle, back in the 60s. I’m sure it was in

your history books. Big bad motherfucker named J’Harl

came to Earth from Nora’s homeworld. He’d conquered

Ki’ahn in Nora’s absence, and was looking to conquer us

next. The guild barely managed to drive away the big

army, but J’Harl stayed behind. It took a bunch of us

to bring him down. Lost a lot of real good heroes that

day. Eventually Magnanimous sacrificed one of his lives

to hit J’harl with a point blank energy blast. That

left him dazed enough to give Nora a chance to restrain

him with a power inhibitor I made.

LAUREL

Wait, the history books says Julian Reinbach made the

power inhibitor.

KIRBY

That fucking kholerye couldn’t invent his way out

of a cave with a box of scraps!

(SIGH)

Anyway. We uh. We had a choice to make. Let Nora take

him back to Ki’Ahn to stand trial, or keep him locked

up here. I was the deciding vote, and every day I wish

I hadn’t been.

CONNIE

...Holy shit, you voted to keep him on Earth.

KIRBY

Yeah... Yeah I did.

CONNIE

…Why would you do that?!

KIRBY

I was an arrogant man in my younger days, okay?! Moreso

than now if you can believe it. I figured if I had the

power to keep him contained, I might as well. We

emptied out Tartarus Prison, shoved him into a power

suppressing chamber and locked it up tighter than Fort

fucking Knox. He’s been there ever since, stewing in

his rage, a mile below sea level.I

tried to get the decision overturned but at that point,

it was out of my hands.

Of course Nora was pissed, and rightfully so. She’d

been outvoted by her own husband on a matter of

intergalactic importance. I should have listened. I

really should have. The next day she was… she was gone.

Eventually , I found her wedding ring in the garbage disposal.

CONNIE

I-... Fuck.

KIRBY

(SIGH)

So! Now ya know. Fun fuckin’ trip down memory lane.

LAUREL

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pried.

KIRBY

Don’t apologize. It was probably therapeutic or some

shit. And I was gonna have to tell you part of the

story eventually anyway.

CONNIE

What part?

KIRBY

The part about J’Harl. He’s still very much a threat.

CONNIE

But he’s locked up tight, you said so.

KIRBY

Well, there’s one big problem with that. When I was

co-owner of Titan, I could have told you that he was

never getting out of that place. I knew every in and

out of Tartarus. I knew every security code, every hour

they changed it. But now I don’t. And aside from the

warden, there’s only one person with that information.

LAUREL

...Julian.

KIRBY

Bingo. He’s done some foolish shit before, and I don’t

think he’d ever be stupid enough to let J’Harl loose.

But he and Chuck also ruined my already pretty ruined

life, so I wouldn’t put it past his ass. I hope it

never comes to it, but if it does... Well. Pray it

never does.

CONNIE

Fucking shit, Kirby.

KIRBY

I’m sorry for not telling you before.

CONNIE

It’s fine, it’s just... A lot to process.

KIRBY

You scared? It’s alright if you are.

CONNIE

(SMALL INHALE)

Yeah. Yeah I am.

KIRBY

And you?

LAUREL

I-... I’m not gonna lie, Kirby. I’m terrified. Because

the idea of Connie having to fight someone that was too

strong for Magnanimous, is pretty fucking terrifying.

In fact, I’ve been scared for Connie’s life, every day.

I know she’s strong, but I never know if she’s coming

home or not. And now that I’m part of the team, I’m

scared for my own life.

(DEEP BREATH)

But the thing is... I don’t care. Heroes don’t buckle

in the face of danger, no matter how scared they are.

We stand. We fight. We win. The world needs Megaton

Girl, and Megaton Girl needs Monarch. I’d be a pretty

shitty girlfriend if I buckled when she needs me most.

CONNIE

(SNIFFLING)

...Hon?

LAUREL

Yeah...?

CONNIE

Get over here.

(KISS)

LAUREL

(KISS)

CONNIE

I will always keep you safe.

LAUREL

And I’ll always do the same for you.

KIRBY

I’ve got a lot of faith in the both of you. I know I

don’t say it much, but... Fuck it. I’m really proud of

both of you. All three of us still have a long way to

go, but we’re gonna get there.

LAUREL

Definitely.

CONNIE

Hell yeah we-... Kirby where’s my soup?

KIRBY

(SNIDE CHUCKLING)

Payback’s a bitch, kid.

CONNIE

...This means war.

KIRBY

(CHUCKLING)

Scene 9

CONNIE

(DEEP, MEDITATIVE BREATHING)

NORA

Good. Now focus your exhalation more. Like you’re

breathing our through a straw.

CONNIE

(MORE FOCUSED EXHALATIONS)

NORA

Really focus it, now.

Now hold it in.

CONNIE

(BIG INHALE, NO EXHALE)

NORA

Now make this last exhalation as long as you can.

Three. Two. One.

CONNIE

(LONG, FOCUSED EXHALE BEFORE BREATHING NORMALLY)

NORA

This kind of deep, focused meditation will help your

mind, and help you to focus your energy more. These

same techniques will make sure that you don’t just

release every once of energy at once. How do you feel?

CONNIE

Weird. I’m not used to being quiet for this long when

I’m not asleep.

NORA

A little quiet is good for you.

And myself.

CONNIE

What?

NORA

Nothing. We’re going back to the deep breaths, but this

time, I want you to focus your energy into your

CONNIE

Okay.

(DEEP BREATHS)

SOUND: A DEEP, SUBTLE ENERGY HUM RADIATES FROM CONNIE

NORA

Draw it all toward your middle, and don’t release the

energy.

CONNIE

(BREATHING GETS A BIT SHAKEY)

NORA

Hold it as long as you can.

CONNIE

I’m trying.

NORA

Instead of releasing it all at once, I want you to just

vent a little. To use a crude Earther term, like a

spitball.

CONNIE

Spitball... Spitball...

(DEEP INHALE)

SOUND: ENERGY BALL EXPLODES FROM CONNIE AND IMPACTS AGAINST

THE TRAINING ROOM WALL

NORA

Very well done.

CONNIE

Yes! C-Can I release the energy now? Cause I feel like I’m

gonna pop.

NORA

Not yet. You’re going to have to get acclimated to it.

That energy is as much a part of you as the blood in

your veins. While you are here and while you are in

combat, you must always have your energy at the ready.

SOUND: STEAM

CONNIE

Why is there pink smoke coming out of my nose?? Is that

normal??

NORA

Yes, it’s normal, it’s just excess energy venting.

CONNIE

Good, because it is cool as fuck!

NORA

Ultimately, by making the energy a constant part of

you, you’ll always be ready to use it. And it will

improve your performance in the field, enhancing your

already heightened strength.

CONNIE

And that is also cool as fuck!!

NORA

Are you ready for more training?

CONNIE

I’ll do my best!

NORA

Good. This next part is going to be simple. You ever

box before?

CONNIE

I wrestled for a year in high school, but never boxed.

NORA

If you can punch things, you can box.

CONNIE

Well, yeah.

NORA

I’m going to have you box this training dummy for a

bit, so that you can get used to fighting with your

energy built up.

CONNIE

Okay, I can do that!

NORA

Excellent. On my mark. Three. Two. One. Begin.

SOUND: CONNIE STARTS TO BOX

CONNIE

Can we talk while I do this?

NORA

Me saying no hasn’t stopped you before.

CONNIE

Kirby told me about J’Harl.

NORA

As he should have.

CONNIE

I’m probably gonna have to fight him, and I’m years

from being ready.

NORA

And one can only hope that you’ll get that long.

CONNIE

Thanks for that ominous addition.

NORA

It’s true. Whether he finally escapes on his own, or

some fool lets him loose, he’s getting out. I will be

there to help, as will the other heroes with our power

level. It will take all of us, you included. So I

suggest that we start focusing on training. Now.

CONNIE

Right, sorry.

SOUND: CONNIE CONTINUES BOXING

CONNIE

He also told me about what happened after.

NORA

And we are not discussing that.

CONNIE

Right, yeah.

I’m gonna... Just try and focus.

NORA

Frankly, I’d appreciate that.

SOUND: CONNIE CONTINUES BOXING AS THE SCENE FADES OUT

Scene 10

CONNIE

(GRITTING TEETH)

NORA

How do you feel?

CONNIE

(FOCUSING, GRITTING TEETH)

Like a can of soda... that just got shaken around for

an hour.

NORA

Then you’re ready for today’s training.

CONNIE

This... wasn’t the training??

NORA

No. No, today you and I are going to fight.

CONNIE

Bitch say what now?

NORA

You. Me. Outside.

SOUND: THE FRONT DOOR BEGINS TO SLIDE OPEN

CONNIE

But-

NORA

What’s wrong? Afraid that I’ll whoop your ass?

CONNIE

Fuck it.

SOUND: CONNIE ROCKETS OFF

NORA

Alright.

SOUND: NORA ROCKETS OFF

Scene 11

NORA

I want you to hit me with everything you’ve got,

because I fully intend to do the same. Use your energy

with every punch, every kick, everything. We fight

until you throw in the towel.

CONNIE

Not gonna happen!

NORA

Then get ready to hurt, kid.

(AGGRESSIVE LEAP)

SOUND: NORA LAUNCHES AT CONNIE

CONNIE

(STARTLED)

(BLOCK)

NORA

(PUNCH)

SOUND: NORA PUNCHES CONNIE, HARD

NORA

(KICK)

CONNIE

(BIG OUCHIE, AS SHE IS SENT FLYING)

SOUND: NORA KICKS CONNIE IN THE GUT AND SENDS HER FLYING

SOUND: CONNIE HITS THE SNOW AND TUMBLES

CONNIE

Holy shit, she hits harder than Queen-Sized...!

SOUND: NORA LAUNCHES AT CONNIE

CONNIE

Shit!

(DODGE)

SOUND: NORA ZOOMS PAST CONNIE

SOUND: NORA LANDS SKIDS ACROSS THE SNOW

NORA

Oh, was I not clear?! I said HIT me!!

CONNIE

You asked for it!!

(PUNCH)

NORA

(PUNCHED IN FACE)

SOUND: CONNIE PUNCHES NORA IN THE TEETH

NORA

Ha! You call that a punch!

(KICK)

CONNIE

(GRUNTS)

NORA

How about you put your back into next time!

SOUND: NORA PUNCHES CONNIE MORE

CONNIE

Okay... Gloves off, bitch.

NORA

(AGGRESSIVE LEAP)

SOUND: NORA LAUNCHES AT CONNIE

CONNIE

(BIG PUNCH)

SOUND: CONNIE PUNCHES NORA 

NORA

(BIGGER GRUNT, THIS ONE HURT, NORA GOES FLYING)

CONNIE

(AGGRESSIVE LEAP)

Welcome to Earth!!!

SOUND: NORA HITS THE GROUND AND TUMBLES

NORA

(GRUNTS ON IMPACT)

(LAUGHING AS SHE STANDS UP)

That’s more fucking like it.

SOUND: CONNIE LEAPS AFTER NORA

NORA

(BLOCK)

SOUND: SEVERAL BLOWS ARE TRADED BETWEEN THEM

NORA

I want you to hit this hard in every fight after today!

Do you understand me?!

(BIG PUNCH)

CONNIE

(BLOCK)

NORA

(DODGE)

Every punch must be followed by a bigger punch!

(PUNCH)

CONNIE

(GRUNT)

NORA

Make every impact count!

(PUNCH)

CONNIE

(GRUNT)

NORA

And when you hit the mat, you get up every god damn

time! Do I make myself clear?!

(PUNCH)

CONNIE

(LAUGHING)

Now look who won’t shut up!

(PUNCH)

NORA

(GRUNT)

(CHUCKLE)

Don’t make me like you.

CONNIE

Too late!

(PUNCH)

NORA

(BLOCK)

CONNIE

If I can get Kirby to like me, there’s no hope for you,

grandma!

NORA

(BIG PUNCH)

CONNIE

(BIG GRUNT)

NORA

That’s for comparing me to William.

(BIG PUNCH)

CONNIE

(BIGGER GRUNT)

NORA

That’s for calling me grandma.

(PUNCH)

CONNIE

Fair enough!

(PUNCH)

NORA

(BIG PUNCHED-IN-THE-STOMACH GRUNT)

CONNIE

That’s for scaring the piss out of me the other day.

NORA

(COUGH)

It got results!

(ONE-TWO PUNCH)

And isn’t it William who’s always prattling on about

"Trial by Fire?"

CONNIE

That may be true.

(PUNCH)

NORA

(GRUNT)

CONNIE

But now look who’s comparing you to Kirby.

NORA

You shut up!

SOUND: NORA FIRES LASER

CONNIE

(OUCH)

SOUND: CONNIE HITS THE GROUND HARD

CONNIE

I get why you hate his fucking guts. I think you more

than deserve to be pissed off at him and everybody else

that made that dumbass decision. But he’s trying to

change. He’s trying to be better. He’s had 50 years to

get better, and now he’s got me, and Laurel, and Moishe

to help. Moishe says hi, bee tee dubs.

NORA

If you’re asking me to forgive him, you’re way out of

line.

CONNIE

I’m not asking that. And neither is he. He knows he

fucked up. We all know he fucked up, on a galactic

scale! You don’t have to forgive shit, and you’re

completely justified in not forgiving him. But you can

at least acknowledge that he’s trying to be better.

NORA

He’s using you to fix a problem he made for himself!

You call that better?!

CONNIE

Bithc, he can’t fix this problem! But I can sure as hell try

to help him. Both Laurel and I want to make the world

better, and Kirby was our only chance of making that

happen. He didn’t have to help us, but he is. And I

honestly and truly believe that he’s a better man than

the one you left.

NORA

(SIGH)

I don’t intend to forgive him. And I won’t. ...But if

he is trying to be better, really trying... Then at

least he has capable people to help him along the way.

CONNIE

We’re doing our best. So is he.

NORA

Good. I am grateful for that. Make sure he sticks to

it.

CONNIE

I will.

NORA

I am going to hold you to that. Now. If you’re quite

done being my fucking therapist, can we please get back

to training?

CONNIE

If you’ve had enough of a breather.

NORA

Alright, you little brat. Round two. I want you to use

your energy blast this time.

CONNIE

Gutbuster.

NORA

You’re never going to get me to call it that.

CONNIE

Imma still try though. Ready?

NORA

Oh you better believe it, kid.

CONNIE & NORA

(BIG ANIME YELL)

SOUND: BIG CLASHING EXPLOSION

Scene 12

SOUND: LAUREL IS FIDDLING WITH HER GLASSES, MOISHE IS

CLEANING THE COUNTER

LAUREL

Moishe?

MOISHE

Hm?

LAUREL

Got any tips for decreasing load times on the glasses?

I’ve gotten it pretty low, but I feel like it could be

lower.

MOISHE

Let’s see. Did you try a defrag?

LAUREL

That was my first step.

KIRBY

Did you try whacking them?

LAUREL

They’re glass.

KIRBY

Yeah, but did you try?

SOUND: THE DOOR TO THE DELI SWINGS OPEN, CONNIE AND NORA

STUMBLE IN

KIRBY

Shit.

LAUREL

Connie?! Are you okay?!

CONNIE

Hi baaaabe. I’m good~!

(OUCH)

Except for my everything.

NORA

Hello, Moishe. It’s good to see you again.

MOISHE

Nora?

It’s great to see you too! You haven’t aged a day.

NORA

My aching back disagrees with you.

LAUREL

What the hell happened to you two??

CONNIE

I kicked Nora’s blue ass.

NORA

Was that before or after I punched you so hard you saw

the curvature of the planet?

CONNIE

Okay we kicked each others’ asses. It was great.

LAUREL

Sounds like it went... Well?

CONNIE

Oh yeah. Super therapeutic.

MOISHE

Well, you’re both here so you must be hungry! What’ll

it be?

CONNIE

Nora?

NORA

I’ll take a Lox Sandwich on Rye. Hold the- Wait do you

like pickles?

CONNIE

Love ’em.

NORA

Give her my pickle.

MOISHE

Gotcha! And for you, dear?

CONNIE

Oh shit, uhh... Knockwurst with a little extra

horseradish, to go?

MOISHE

Coming right up! Take a seat, I’ll bring it out in a

bit.

CONNIE

Thanks, Moishe!

SOUND: CONNIE AND NORA DRAG THEMSELVES OVER TO LAUREL AND

KIRBY’S TABLE

CONNIE

Hey babe.

(KISS)

LAUREL

Holy crap, you’re still ice cold!

CONNIE

Y-yeah. I kinda got buried under a few dozen few of

snow at one point.

LAUREL

Well, I’ll just have to hug you extra tight to warm you

Up

.

SOUND: LAUREL HUGS CONNIE

CONNIE

Gaaaaaay.

NORA

William.

KIRBY

Nora.

NORA AND KIRBY

Look-

KIRBY

S-sorry. You first.

NORA

Please. After you.

KIRBY

I-... I just wanted to say sorry, in person. I know

that there is literally nothing I can do to make up for

what I’ve done to you. To your people.

NORA

You’re right to think that.

KIRBY

(SIGH)

But I want to try to at least help as much as I can. I

hurt you, and I want to try to help you heal.

NORA

William. What you did was a deep and utter betrayal,

not just to me, but to everything I thought you stood

for. It’s a mistake that you can’t fix, and you are

going to have to live with the eventual consequences.

KIRBY

I know.

NORA

Yes. You do know. I’ve beat it into your head for 50

long and painful years. And I will never let you forget

it.

But at the same time, I can also see that you are at

least attempting to help. You understand the gravity of

your actions, and you are making sure that the people

who can and will help, will be prepared to do so. It

doesn’t undo the damage, but it’s the right thing to

do.

KIRBY

I’m trying my hardest.

NORA

And for that, you have my respect.

KIRBY

I don’t deserve it. But thank you.

SOUND: MOISHE ENTERS

MOISHE

Alright! Come get it!

CONNIE

Niiiice!

SOUND: CONNIE GETS UP AND RUNS OVER TO MOISHE

KIRBY

Weren’t you tired like a minute ago??

CONNIE

Kirby, do you know how long it’s been since I’ve had a

decent Knockwurst?

MOISHE

(LAUGHING)

Well I hope this one’s more than decent!

CONNIE

Expectations officially set high as fuck. Ready, babe?

LAUREL

Yup!

SOUND: LAUREL STANDS UP

SOUND: CONNIE AND LAUREL WALK TO THE DOOR

LAUREL

Thanks, Moishe.

CONNIE

Yeah, definitely.

MOISHE

Anytime, ladies!

CONNIE

And Nora?

NORA

Yes?

CONNIE

I’m kicking your ass next time.

NORA

(SMIRK)

Big talk for an Earthbound punk.

CONNIE

I mean it! You’re going down!

NORA

We’ll see.

KIRBY

Bye, girls.

CONNIE & LAUREL

Bye!

SOUND: THE DOOR CLOSES

NORA

You were right, you know?

KIRBY

About what?

NORA

She’s strong. Stronger than she knows.

KIRBY

Oh yeah. She could give Magnanimous a run for his

money.

NORA

Speaking of... Why didn’t you ask him to help her? He

has an abdominal cauldron as well. Surely he’d be a

better fit to teach her than I?

KIRBY

(SIGH)

Because... Well…

NORA

What’s wrong?

KIRBY

I got a lot to catch you up on.

Scene 13

CONNIE

Oh shit. 

LAUREL

Hm?

CONNIE

You know what would be fun?

(GULPS)

Next day we both have off, we totally should go to the

aquarium! Finally get you to pet a stingray!

LAUREL

Hmmm. Yeah that could be fun! I’m not sure I’m ready

for... ew... that part though.

CONNIE

Aw but that’s the best part! It’s like a silky, slimy

bat, or some shit!

LAUREL

(CHUCKLE)

I’ll have to work up to it. But I do want to see the

Weddell seals.

CONNIE

Oh my god, yes. And they’ve got this octopus there that

always looks so pissed off. I just wanna hug him and-

SOUND: NANOBOTS BEEP

CONNIE

Yikes what the fuck??

LAUREL

What’s wrong?

CONNIE

Kirby’s calling, give me a sec.

SOUND: BOOP

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

Connie?

CONNIE

Yeah, what’s going on?

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

Got a gig for you downtown. Looks like your pal Doctor

Menace is back to business, as usual.

CONNIE

Ugh, how many times am I gonna have to put him away?

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

Hey, you’re the one who agreed to be his sworn nemesis.

CONNIE

Okay look. That was an oath purely taken out of pity.

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

Uh-huh. Anyway, you better get there quick. This is an

open contract.

CONNIE

Oh shit, okay I’ll be right there!

KIRBY

(OVER COMMS)

Kirby out.

SOUND: BEEOOP

CONNIE

Sooooo, um-

LAUREL

Work time?

CONNIE

Work time. It’s just Doctor Menace, so I probably won’t

need your help with this one, but just in case-

LAUREL

You know the gal in the chair is ready to

go, anytime.

CONNIE

God damn, I fucking love you.

SOUND: QUICK KISS

LAUREL

(GIGGLES)

Love you too! Now go get ‘im!

CONNIE

With pleasure!

Credits

Scene 15

SOUND: PHONE RINGS

CHUCK

(YAWN)

What?

JULIAN

Charles. I take it you’re unoccupied.

CHUCK

I was about to sleep. Now what do you want?

JULIAN

What does your schedule look like next Tuesday?

CHUCK

I have a golf game with Sgt. Fisticuffs.

JULIAN

Well that’s unfortunate, because I predict that we’re

in for one hell of a storm on Tuesday.

CHUCK

A storm?

JULIAN

Yes. And I expect you to be ready for him. Capisce?

CHUCK

...Gotcha.

JULIAN

Good.

SOUND: JULIAN HANGS UP

CHUCK

Alright, Cap. Hero time.